Mothered by the Land

 The modality that I am certified in is known as “Shadow Work®.” It’s personal growth work centered around the teachings of Carl Yung, the Swiss psychologist. In Shadow Work®, we focus on four archetypes: sovereign, lover, warrior, and magician. And in these four archetypes we explore our personal shadows, which are the parts of ourselves that we hide, deny or repress. At a Shadow Work retreat, with certified facilitators, we can reclaim lost parts of ourselves that we need in our lives. 

As we approach Mother’s Day, my thoughts have been with the sovereign archetype, which is the energy of the queen, mother, and leader. This energy knows how to bless herself and others. With access to this energy, we can foster our dreams, and we can tend to our needs, in other words, we can parent ourselves. 

Reflecting on the gifts and challenges of the past 11 years, a moment that stands out is when my heart said YES to a life of being a first-generation rancher. My husband and I moved to south central Colorado from our farm in the Shenandoah Valley in the panhandle of West Virginia, where we raised livestock. Ever since I was a teenager, I had the dream of ranching “out west.” It is an odd dream for a teenager, and it was in my bones. 

In 2015, we purchased Badger Creek Ranch, which is 45 minutes northeast of Salida, Colorado. How we came to be the owners of this ranch involved a series of miracles and is a story for another time. When we first visited the ranch to see if it was the “place,” I remember feeling at home, and I had the sense that I was being called to this land. On that same first visit, I was out in an upper pasture with the seller looking down on the headquarters when I suddenly felt a tingling energy at the back of my neck, When we turned around, there was a small herd of elk all lined up looking at us from the ridge behind us. The owner looked at them, looked at me, and said, “elk don’t usually line up like that, I don’t know what’s going on here.” There were so many magical moments that told me I was about to be mothered by this land and in return, I would mother it back with my fierce love and protection. 

We combined our resources with another couple we knew well and purchased the ranch together. In the early years we custom grazed cattle, meaning that another rancher pays us to graze their cattle on our land for the summer. We also ran a small guest ranch operation.

I fell in love with the land immediately and continued to experience magical moments that helped me grow, learn, and lean into my “mothering” in this new relationship with “home” and “place.” 

In the couple of years before COVID it became clear to me that our relationship with our business partners and friends was not working, and the day-to-day experience of working the ranch with them was becoming incredibly difficult and painful. I felt a lot of fear back then about the fate of the dream, my dream. Because of the effects of COVID on our business, our partners said they wanted to sell the ranch, but I was not ready to give up on it. We met with a lawyer and decided that my husband and I would buy them out even though we did not have the funds to do so. Yes, another miracle. A dear friend and philanthropist on the east coast got wind of what was happening and donated funds to our nonprofit so we could purchase it. The severing of that relationship felt almost like a divorce and was difficult on us emotionally.  

The years following were not easy and more personal growth than I could have ever imagined. The “divorce” from our partners/friends was traumatic and triggered old feelings from a previous trauma with my ex-husband. What brought me healing was being on that sacred land and being with the horses. Slowly, I healed, found my strength, confidence, and purpose. The land mothered me; sometimes intensely and sometimes sweetly. 

What became clear to me was that the experiences I survived were clearing the way for another dream; that this ranch would be a place of healing for others. “Shadow Work through the Way of the Horse” is a blend of Shadow Work® and equine-assisted learning which I created, and which we now offer at the ranch. The ranch is also an educational center for the public and for apprentices who want to learn more about themselves and regenerative ranching. It is important to us that the ranch will always remain a working ranch. The cattle help heal the land and their grass-fed and finished beef provides meat to our community that is healthy and raised with love through low-stress practices. 

We are currently in the process of placing the ranch in a conservation easement. This will ensure that the land will never be subdivided or abused. Protecting this land in perpetuity is a legacy of enduring love for this sacred land that has healed me and so many others. 

As we come into our next season of retreats, we are launching a new offering called True North; An Exploration for Women. We are also offering our Sacred Interruption Pilgrimage for the second year. This pilgrimage was birthed and mothered for 2 years by me and three other Shadow Work® women facilitators, who happen to be dear soul sisters of mine.  Participants of these retreats reconnect with their own sacredness as they reconnect with the sacredness of the land. 

I will be forever grateful for the relationship with this land that I call home.  My life at the ranch has been both challenging and freeing, and I know this land will continue to be my greatest teacher.